We are excited to feature a wonderful blog by Dr. Diana Denholm. Diana B. Denholm, PhD, LMHC, has been a board-certified psychotherapist for more than 30 years. For 11 years, she was the primary caregiver to her husband during a series of grave illnesses. More detailed guidance, support, and resources are in her new book, The Caregiving Wife’s Handbook: Caring for Your Seriously Ill Husband, Caring for Yourself (Hunter House, December 2011, www.caregivingwife.com).
Stress-Busting Tips for the Family Caregiver
Family Caregiving is serious business, and caregiver stress is a serious problem. Caregiving can destroy people and relationships, yet a far more positive outcome is possible. Using the right tools, both we and those we care for can make it through the challenges, including a death, emotionally whole and with compassion for ourselves and for each other.
I know because I’ve been there. For over 11 years, I was the primary caregiver for my husband, who was gravely ill the entire time. Drawing both from my own experience and those of numerous caregivers I have counseled in my private practice, here are some basic strategies to help you avoid burnout in your caregiving role.
Establish expectations. First and foremost, get on the same page as the ill person in terms of expectations for everyone involved in their care. If you are the primary caregiver, discuss and agree on what you’ll expect of each other and what you are willing to do and not do. Topics can include the type of care and who will perform it, legal and financial matters, household management, visitors, sleep, and sex and intimacy, among others.
Use basic communication tools. In my book, I show how to raise issues, have problem-solving discussions with the ill person, and create useful Understandings. Once these Understandings are created, household battles and stress will greatly diminish, leaving a more peaceful and happier environment in its place. Communicating carefully, thoughtfully, and skillfully with the ill person is the single-most helpful practice you can learn and use.
Avoid enabling. A common mistake caregivers make is thinking that everything is their responsibility. This allows you no spare time and will keep you from caring for yourself. To avoid this trap, work together, rather than enabling or controlling the ill person. Don’t do for the cared ones what they really can and should do for themselves. Enabling creates invalids. Don’t micromanage what they are able to do, even though it may be far from perfect. The less you enable, manage, or control, the more time you’ll have for yourself and the less stress you will experience. When appropriate, be glad to say, “It’s not my job,” even though others might think otherwise.
Give yourself permission for self-care. Where do you find the time and energy to eat right, get plenty of sleep, exercise, stay connected with friends, and stay spiritually involved? You can manufacture free time by letting the ill person do more for him or herself. And once you have that time, give yourself permission to take some time away from caregiving. It’s okay to have fun, even if your loved one is suffering. Start small. Give yourself permission to enjoy one simple thing, whether it’s a short walk in the fresh air or sitting in the bathroom meditating. As you become comfortable with small steps, branch out to other self-care activities.
Stop energy drains. Our inner dialogue helps us survive, because it allows us to let off small bursts of steam and keeps us from screaming things out loud or acting on them. But too much pent-up anger or too many disturbing thoughts not only create negative outcomes, they also steal our energy. There are healthy ways to release anger. Simply write down, for your eyes only, all the things you’d really like to say but won’t, just to get them out of your system.
Keep up friendships and normal activities. Find at least one confidant. Create ways to have enjoyment given your finances and freedom, whether that’s meeting a friend in a park or taking a respite vacation. Take real or inner vacations to get in touch with people and reclaim your sense of self. Do something where you can feel your life is in your own hands, something that is outside of your caregiving role, whether that’s joining the choir, a bowling league, or volunteering. Have at least one activity that lets you know something in your life is normal and enjoyable.
While it seems that caring for your ill family member is your biggest responsibility, in truth, taking care of yourself is number one. A broken caregiver can no longer be of service. Be gentle and forgiving with yourself.
When a loved one is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia it changes everything. Suddenly you and your family members are faced with a lot of uncertainty and impending challenges that you probably never anticipated facing. It’s difficult to watch someone you love begin to struggle and of course you want to help to improve their lives and situations all that you can.
One common struggle that many Alzheimer’s patients and their family members face is deciding the right time for the person to discontinue driving. This can be a difficult transition to make because a person’s ability to drive is closely tied to their independence. However, being a safe driver requires quick reaction time, and for a person with Alzheimer’s or dementia driving can quickly become a dangerous task for the loved one.
Here are some signs to look for when you’re trying to decide if it’s time for you to help your loved one discontinue their driving time:
When driving does he or she
- Fails to observe traffic signs and/or signals
- Makees slow or poor decisions in traffic
- Becomes angry or confused while driving
- Forgets the destination of the trip while driving
- Makes errors in speed, direction, and at intersections[1]
While having this conversation with your loved one may be a difficult thing to do, it is important and best done soon after diagnosis in order to help ease the process.
When it comes time to have the conversation, take these tips into consideration:
- Be firm and direct in the conversation and reassure them of your love and concern.
- Don’t be surprised if your loved one becomes upset and try not to take it personally. Alzheimer’s disease and dementia alter personality and demeanor, even in situations where you are trying to help.
- Consider bringing in an understanding friend, relative, or family physician to participate in the conversation.
- Plan ahead and consider alternative transportation options in order to make the transition as easy and seamless as possible.
At SYNERGY HomeCare we understand that this can be a difficult time in the lives of you and your loved ones and we’d like to be there to help you through it. Our caregivers are specially trained to help with your family needs, offering extensive care and support that even includes incidental transportation. If the removal of transportation for your loved one becomes stressful, our caregivers can do such things as help run errands and provide transportation to doctors appointments. To see how we can further help during this transitional time please check out our other Companionship and Memory Care Services.
[1] © 2012 Alzheimer’s Association®
Contributor: Chantel Heister
As a family caregiver, you think beyond your own needs and put the welfare of your loved one above your own. At SYNERGY HomeCare, we commend your daily selflessness, and want to provide you with the tools you need to have a healthy and happy life in 2012.
When you care for your loved one, you take on the role of caregiver and look for ways to improve the well being of the person you serve. You ask yourself questions like, “Does my loved one look and act healthy?” “What can I do to help them be healthier and happier?” “Is their home clean and safe?” “How will I improve my loved one’s life?”
Just as you are committed to the health, safety and happiness of your loved one, SYNERGY HomeCare is dedicated to helping you improve your overall well being. This year, we will cover a wide variety of topics that will provide advice and comfort to family caregivers like you who care for loved ones with cardiovascular problems, conditions that require medical attention, and Alzheimer’s disease and dementia. We will also cover long distance caregiving, safety inside and outside the home, and caring for elderly family members.
This newsletter is a great preview to the helpful information we will feature on the Arms Around Family Caregivers blog, email newsletter, and Facebook page. This time of year is a great time to set goals, and we would like you to set aside the time and energy to care for yourself as well as your loved one.
4 Ways to Improve your Well Being in 2012
Eat lean, nutritious foods
Whether you want to lose weight or lower your cholesterol, or get stronger, your diet will make all the difference. Eating healthier is a great habit to adopt, and is easy to incorporate into your caregiving routine. When you eat healthy foods, it is more likely that your loved one will eat healthy foods as well.
Exercise more
Committing to an exercise routine is a great way to increase blood flow, boost mood-lifting endorphins and keep a healthy heart. If you need a place to go for respite, exercising at the gym might be a good option for you. However, if you do not feel comfortable leaving your loved one alone, clear a space in your home for physical activity. Yoga, pilates and even aerobic exercise are cheap, easy ways to stay fit in the home.
Be Safe
Having a hazard-free home will decrease the risk of falls, burns, cuts and other common accidents. Clear obstructions from walkways, and get slip-free flooring. Keep potentially dangerous objects like knives, razors and irons in secure cupboards or drawers.
Socialize
Many family caregivers forego time with friends, family, and even children to care for their loved one. If you find yourself in this situation, keep in mind that being alone can lead to depression. Make more time for old friends, and try to meet new people. If you do not want to leave your loved one, invite friends and family to play board games or to have a healthy dinner at your home.
We look forward to another year of supporting family caregivers like you. If you have any questions about family caregiving or respite care, contact us today at our Facebook page, or (877) 230-0875.
We at SYNERGY HomeCare know that caring for loved ones with debilitating diseases or conditions can be exhausting and stressful. This is especially true when your loved one is suffering from a genetic disorder like Muscular Dystrophy or MD. Caring for someone with MD combines the length of care someone would give to a person with a stable condition such as a stroke and the amount of care needed for someone who is suffering from a short term, acute illness. It takes a large amount of energy and time to care for individuals with MD and can be more than overwhelming.
Inspired by November’s honorary recipient of the Pillar of Strength award, Kim Oster, who provides care for her husband with muscular dystrophy, we have gathered together some important tips to help you as you care for your loved with Muscular Dystrophy.
- Do everything you can to learn as much as possible about your loved ones condition. Talk to experts, read up on the latest research, educate yourself so you know what to expect and be prepared with how you can take care of your loved one.
- Depending on the type, progression, and severity of MD, different kinds of care will be required from you at different times. It is important to come up with a plan that involves everyone- doctors, family, friends, and including your loved one with MD.
- Plan to adapt and change your plan as symptoms change for your loved one.
- It is very important that you maintain your own well being. As much as you love the person you are caring for, you come first. If anything should happen like an illness or depression, proper care won’t be given to your loved one.
- Take time for yourself and ensure that you maintain physical and mental health by exercising, eating healthy, and maintaining a life outside of your role as a caregiver.
- Ask for support when you need it. Being in a position of feeling overwhelmed by everything can be avoided by creating a team of caregivers. Talk to friends, family, and neighbors and make a list of people who could help.
Even though being a primary caregiver is demanding and can be physical and emotionally taxing, it is also one of the most rewarding experiences you can have with your loved one. Helping them to overcome challenges caused by their condition and problem solving ways for them to maintain control over their own life not only maintains and renews their spirit but also yours.
If you have any questions or concerns about what you can do as primary caregiver please call us 1-877-230-4851
In-home care is our world at SYNERGY HomeCare. Each day, our time, attention and energy is dedicated toward making home care a pleasant and comfortable experience for all. However, we know that many people are unfamiliar with on medical home care. Since we know the emotional, physical and familial benefits of home care, we would like to spread the word. For those of you who don’t know home care, here are the basics.
Why Choose Home Care?
At SYNERGY HomeCare we believe very strongly in what we’re doing because we know we’re bettering the lives of families all over the country. Why do we love home care so much?
- It’s delivered at home, where our clients feel most comfortable.
- It can promote healing.
- Home care helps our clients be independent and maintain integrity.
- It reduces stress in our clients and their friends and family members.
Companionship
At the core of home care services is companionship. Having a compassionate person with which to spend time can make a big difference to someone who is bedridden or to someone who lives alone. Professional companions create an easy living environment and emotionally support our clientele and maximize their potential for independence. Companionship services can range from friendly conversation to medication reminders to menu and schedule planning and everything in between. The goal of companionship services is to give the client well-rounded support both physically and emotionally.
Personal Care
In the world of home care personal care services are of the utmost importance. It’s for this reason that we have expertly trained caregivers who love nothing more than to serve your loved one with sensitivity and understanding. Some of the basics of personal care include transfer assistance, personal hygiene assistance, and mealtime feeding assistance, but this only scratches the surface of what we can do for your loved ones.
Homemaking
It’s hard to think of a better way to help your loved one feel relaxed and comfortable than for them to be in their own clean and tidy home. In order to achieve this we offer supplemental and homemaking services, which are often offered in conjunction with our other companionship and personal care services. With homemaking services your caregiver will take care of such things as light housekeeping, laundry, meal preparation, and much more.
Memory Care
Because we are experts in the home care arena, we recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all for our cliental. We offer memory care services for our clients that have Alzheimer’s disease or other forms of dementia and they’ve proven to be a great help. Your loved one who receives memory care services will engage in such activities as reminiscence therapy, puzzles, and games.
Now that you know a little bit about the benefits of home care, we’d like to talk with you a little bit more about what we can do for you and your loved ones. Give us a call at 877-502-3430 and find out how SYNERGY HomeCare can make a difference.
