This is anarticle written by Sue Wilk, a friend of mine. It brought tears to my eyes, and I felt it was worth sharing. Especially the part about taking that firstdeep breath. It's the same with every type of grief - you think it can neverfeel "okay" again. But you eventually do, even if you are a changedperson because of it.
In the past two weeks, I’ve celebratedmy mother’s 95th birthday, and had two dear friends bury their mothers. Iwitness an age passing, and know my time is not far.
To bury a parent is but a strange thing. For a time, hopefully brief, we feelas if our life force has gone out. It’s not like any other feeling we’ve known.It’s disorienting, much like a catastrophic event … all at once, nothing feelsfamiliar, and more importantly, nothing feels right. Sadly, slowly, we realizethat this unfamiliar and uncomfortable feeling is our new reality.
And we have no choice but to accept our new surroundings, minus our parent.It’s a new terrain, one we’d rather not traverse. We remind ourselves that it’sbetter to have our loved one move on, than to watch them suffer. And yet, thestruggle is difficult. We gather our strength, moving through the days, one ata time. As they say, we move one step forward, and two steps back.
The setbacks come when we least expect them, leaving us feeling dispirited,empty and alone. The empty space feels like a vacuum, threatening to swallow uswhole.
Just when we least expect it, we take the first truly deep breath we’ve takensince we can remember. Oh, but it feels good … and we wonder, where did thatcome from? And where can I find a few more of those?
The good news is, they come on the heels of first deep breath, and continue toarrive. Day by day, we heal, regroup, renew … and only when we’ve hadsufficient time to heal do we allow ourselves to remember. There is no set timeframe … there are far too many variables in each of our lives. But you can restassured, when you’ve had the proper time to heal, you will begin to remember.
I believe it’s the remembering that truly heals us, and allows us to move onwith joy in our hearts as opposed to sadness. And that is regardless of whetheryou are remembering the good times or the bad. Our lives need to be registered,for lack of a better word.
Most lives are not picture perfect … actually far from it. It’s important to beable to remember the good along with the bad. It’s life … your life.
Your life needs to be remembered, understood, appreciated, forgiven … inwhatever order you manage to get there.